It never seems right..

Why must i feel this way...? now i feel in the way holding you back ...but i know its all in my head i said i wont ever speak these words to you again..so i write to say how i feel.. sometimes this writing doesn't help ..but only hope cant help me out. I've got to learn to love my self as much as I love you. I've got to get off my ass to make my life better... I can't blame anyone but my self ..why i'm sad,lonely,depressed .. I do all this shit to my self! why can't I get that in my head! Why is it so hard t understand i'am only bringing my self down no one else can pick me off the floor but my self! Its days like these when i'm told something that hurts so much ..that has to get me to see i'm killing my own relationship.If I loved him so much why do i continue to keep hurting him. Yes i understand that I've been hurt . I wanna shake my self and say SO FUCKING WHAT! its done its over ..but why does it hunt me a like a bad fucking dream? The best i could do is work this issue out on my own I WILL NOT SHALL NOT LOSE HIM !

THINGS WILL CHANGE...ONLY IF YOU WANT TO..

The things will change only if you want to .. like the way you look at me makes me want to change my ways.. The way you hold me makes me want to change my ways The way you talk to me makes me what to open my heart fully to you.. You have made me see that i could and should be loved the right way , I'm more then a lay .. I'm someone you can lay with, to hold and talk too.. You showed me so much in so little time...and there is so much more for me to see and feel.. These days I hope will never disappear ...for i want you for ever...only if you want me the same way..

Reason are still the same..

As my mind still lingers with hate and dismay...
I think i will feel let down no matter what , my feelings change from day to day .The reasons for my killing of these men still bear the same meaning .
They are careless as such as i'm ..
I rarely see them nothing more then my toys to play with ..with their pain brings me joy ...
With each tear it gives me giggles...
I love this game we play I think your the only one that gets hurt...
but in the end its not as true as it seems my hands are getting cut up too..

hahahahahahahaha for your sake let it be quick and fast..for no one will find your body...as it lays in acid...burn baby burn...