It never seems right..

Why must i feel this way...? now i feel in the way holding you back ...but i know its all in my head i said i wont ever speak these words to you again..so i write to say how i feel.. sometimes this writing doesn't help ..but only hope cant help me out. I've got to learn to love my self as much as I love you. I've got to get off my ass to make my life better... I can't blame anyone but my self ..why i'm sad,lonely,depressed .. I do all this shit to my self! why can't I get that in my head! Why is it so hard t understand i'am only bringing my self down no one else can pick me off the floor but my self! Its days like these when i'm told something that hurts so much ..that has to get me to see i'm killing my own relationship.If I loved him so much why do i continue to keep hurting him. Yes i understand that I've been hurt . I wanna shake my self and say SO FUCKING WHAT! its done its over ..but why does it hunt me a like a bad fucking dream? The best i could do is work this issue out on my own I WILL NOT SHALL NOT LOSE HIM !