THINGS WILL CHANGE...ONLY IF YOU WANT TO..

The things will change only if you want to .. like the way you look at me makes me want to change my ways.. The way you hold me makes me want to change my ways The way you talk to me makes me what to open my heart fully to you.. You have made me see that i could and should be loved the right way , I'm more then a lay .. I'm someone you can lay with, to hold and talk too.. You showed me so much in so little time...and there is so much more for me to see and feel.. These days I hope will never disappear ...for i want you for ever...only if you want me the same way..

Reason are still the same..

As my mind still lingers with hate and dismay...
I think i will feel let down no matter what , my feelings change from day to day .The reasons for my killing of these men still bear the same meaning .
They are careless as such as i'm ..
I rarely see them nothing more then my toys to play with ..with their pain brings me joy ...
With each tear it gives me giggles...
I love this game we play I think your the only one that gets hurt...
but in the end its not as true as it seems my hands are getting cut up too..

hahahahahahahaha for your sake let it be quick and fast..for no one will find your body...as it lays in acid...burn baby burn...

Trying to start a new

I really don't know what is going on , I feel lost more then ever. Change is what I want , but change for the better is becoming to be the hardest thing i've yet to getting used to . So many ways i wanna go back to being old me. The old me something that i fear every day , she can be every bit of mean,hurtful and stright up asshole. I finally became sane again to realize i can't control everything in life or anyones life.
I need to be true to my self and others.Yes,I speak my mind tell you how i feel,think, want...but in the end i still feel like its still not all of me .
I WANT TO BE SOMETHING MY SON CAN AND WILL BE PROUD OF!
If i can only stop getting my self into trouble, I must remind my self i can't live the crazy way i love to do ...I must clean up my act not just for my self but for my child too..

Even tho the years have passed, the pain will always stay, the hurt in my eyes the tears of sorrow drip down my face. The feeling of losing a game I could never win.
So now I shall try to move on.
I fear you no more, all thats left is hate...
Hate that I allowed such thing to pass these eyes...
Well no more shall I be your slave..to saddness...only madness!

ive tried so hard to think twice before i pull this blade to your neck. which way should i graise me blade ...right to left or left to right... oh baby the possiablies of have your warm blood all over my face. The taste remains the same ..sweet and bitter..just like the way you lived your life. I trust you will never change. so actually i'm doing you a favor.. really doesnt seem like no one will miss your stupid face or stupid ways. oh well... here i go... oh god the beauty of it all... PsYcHo KiLLeR

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