Trying to start a new

I really don't know what is going on , I feel lost more then ever. Change is what I want , but change for the better is becoming to be the hardest thing i've yet to getting used to . So many ways i wanna go back to being old me. The old me something that i fear every day , she can be every bit of mean,hurtful and stright up asshole. I finally became sane again to realize i can't control everything in life or anyones life.
I need to be true to my self and others.Yes,I speak my mind tell you how i feel,think, want...but in the end i still feel like its still not all of me .
I WANT TO BE SOMETHING MY SON CAN AND WILL BE PROUD OF!
If i can only stop getting my self into trouble, I must remind my self i can't live the crazy way i love to do ...I must clean up my act not just for my self but for my child too..

Even tho the years have passed, the pain will always stay, the hurt in my eyes the tears of sorrow drip down my face. The feeling of losing a game I could never win.
So now I shall try to move on.
I fear you no more, all thats left is hate...
Hate that I allowed such thing to pass these eyes...
Well no more shall I be your slave..to saddness...only madness!

ive tried so hard to think twice before i pull this blade to your neck. which way should i graise me blade ...right to left or left to right... oh baby the possiablies of have your warm blood all over my face. The taste remains the same ..sweet and bitter..just like the way you lived your life. I trust you will never change. so actually i'm doing you a favor.. really doesnt seem like no one will miss your stupid face or stupid ways. oh well... here i go... oh god the beauty of it all... PsYcHo KiLLeR

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what, what, whats.... Going on what have i done .... i wish i didnt have to do this to you so soon... you seemed like a gas...But now your just a past... will you forgive me if i stab you in the heart... For every time you treated me like shit,for thinking i was less then nothing. dnt cry now you know that means nothing...to me... i pitty your stupidness... i'm much more then you'll ever see.. some day some way someone will treat me better and see me for who i really i'm.... A DARK BEAUTIFUL SOUL...

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you say the things that sound so sweet, the way you can fuck me is so bittier sweet. i wish it could play on repeat. Until the day when it all ends. we've gone to far,it was pushed into deep. Theres no going back.we've done what we've done. The blood starts to flow faster. He starts to scream...and finally yells,"what the fuck you crazy bitch!",i grab the knife from his side,"I thought you wanted to play?",with a confused look upon my face. He starts to shout again,"you fucking stabed me!",i craweled off of him onto my feet,with my back still toward him. With a simple reply," you said i could do what ever i want...", i pause with a jerk like voice," YOU SAID YOUR NOT A BITCH,BUT YOUR SURELY ACTING LIKE ONE!",.....TBC... PsYcHo KiLLeR

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