Getting back into it...

 Feeling a lot lately,  needing things from my past to stay in the past. Enjoy the wonderful things life has given me. Love is so ever changing. I don't mind the change either. Watching my children grow is something that I take great pleasure. Both beautiful souls ,hope I don't damage them so they know there is everything you ever wanted out there in this world!  Only you can stop you. 

Life after heart aches

 I just wanted to tell you,  how happy I am having you in my life.  You have really made all my dreams come true. You have always looked towards our future. Taking us higher than I could ever imagined. 9 years ago all I prayed for is that someone would love my child and me and treat us good. Welp I got that and so much more!  Thank you for loving us and showing me that even a broken person like me can be loved beyond measure 🖤

Feeling like this..

Why must i feel this way? why is everything getting to me? why can't i stop feeling like this? why do i feel like i can't trust women? Why can't i let go ? why can't let my self be happy? why do i stress the wrost? why do i want to cry until i can't cry no more? why don't i feel safe to say how i feel to my loved one? Why is it that this all i ever wanted yet i still feel like something is missing? Why why why why? I guess in time all my questions shall be answered ... Should it be now , later , or never...time will only tell..

just something I don't feel good with..

when you try so hard to make everyone happy ..it just seems like a endless of ungratefulness.. I work so hard day and night but sometimes it feels like no matter what i do is just not enough ... I understand i'm hardly home cause i have to work all the time ...but who else is gonna do it i feel so alone ..it just gets so tried some But i have to think of things shall and will get better i have to make it better for me ...if anyone will change my mood it has to start with me and my inner self and learn to LOVE MY SELF FIRST

It never seems right..

Why must i feel this way...? now i feel in the way holding you back ...but i know its all in my head i said i wont ever speak these words to you again..so i write to say how i feel.. sometimes this writing doesn't help ..but only hope cant help me out. I've got to learn to love my self as much as I love you. I've got to get off my ass to make my life better... I can't blame anyone but my self ..why i'm sad,lonely,depressed .. I do all this shit to my self! why can't I get that in my head! Why is it so hard t understand i'am only bringing my self down no one else can pick me off the floor but my self! Its days like these when i'm told something that hurts so much ..that has to get me to see i'm killing my own relationship.If I loved him so much why do i continue to keep hurting him. Yes i understand that I've been hurt . I wanna shake my self and say SO FUCKING WHAT! its done its over ..but why does it hunt me a like a bad fucking dream? The best i could do is work this issue out on my own I WILL NOT SHALL NOT LOSE HIM !