SOME OF MY CRAZY RANTS...

END IT NOW OR FOREVER DIE BY MY HANDS ,ROLLING IN AND OUTTA MY BED, IS JUST A SIMPLE PLAN,OF PLEASURE AND PAIN..AND WHERE THE PAIN IS WHEN I FEEL THE MOST ALIVE..

Why cnt i end this... Its only causes me pain...to the point of madness! I will end up killing you in the end!


IS KILLING YOU SUCH A CRIME? BUT WHAT IF I KILLED YOU IN THE HEAT OF PASSION..? THEN I DID IT OUT OF LOVE..♥ THERES NO CRIME..IN LOVING SOMEONE RIGHT!....

Cutting you into pieces and placeing you under my bed...these are what dreams are made of ♥


I WANNA CHOKE YOU TILL YOU TURN BLUE, AS YOUR EYES ROLL BACK YOU STRUGGLE FOR A BREATH OF LIFE,I LOOK DOWN UPON YOU...WITH A GLEAM IN MY EYE OF SATISFACTION...♥

MY HATE HAS TURNED INTO MADNESS...MADNESS INTO INSANITY...INSANITY..INTO HANDCUFFS...HANDCUFFS...LOOKING OUT A JAIL CELL...♥


YOUR PAIN GIVES ME A SMILE, ME GIVING YOU PAIN BRINGS GIGGLES ,YOUR DEATH WILL FILL MY HEART WITH JOY♥


Willing to end it all...just give the word ... i'll cut your heart out... and hand it back to you..♥

CAN'T SHAKE THIS...

Really starting to hate this ..all these feelings..are getting to me..
why,how,what,who,where...did i go wrong!
these mixed feelings are tearing me apart..
i can't stop being so brutal..
my rants has turned into madness...
so if you happen to read a crazy death rant ,sorry it just comes out ..
i love and hate it..
love it..cause just sometimes i feel like doing so..
hate it..cause some people don't know if they should laugh or be scared..

WHAT IT IS...

what makes me mad is that u don't think i see what you say...what makes me sad is i see what you say...what makes me a fool is that i keep letting you play..me like a fool...i'm never what you want iam never gonna be what you think you want...what makes this even worst is that...YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT THIS IS ABOUT YOU..AND THAT SHE DOESNT WANT YOU...:^\

LIVING LIKE THIS...

If living this life,like i don't care...well kill me now....cause living with this pain of not knowing is way to much to bear..so pull the rope,shoot the gun,chop away, aslong as it leads to the end.....

FUCKING.... TARED..

WHY WHY WHY ..

CAN'T YOU SEE ME...

I CAN SEE..YOU ...FOR WHAT U ARE..

I'M A PURE SOUL...WITH SO MUCH TO SAY ..WITH A HEART FULL OF SOUL OF WRONG AND RIGHTS!

BUT I WANNA BE WRONG AND RIGHT...

WRONG AT WHAT I THINK IS HAPPENING ,HOPING WHAT I FEEL IS RIGHT...

HEY YOU YA YOU OVER THERE------>

LOL...
so just taking life day by day watching the bumpy road turn into a smooth one once again..
as breath i take i hold every other one in...hoping that a wish would come true..
as in every fairy tail..there's an evil villain ...
well in my story ...my villain is my self ..
i hold my self back,
i choose the wrong..path..
but, the sad thing is i know what i'm doing..
i know better but for some damn reason i love to push the limits..
i love to see how far i can push ..
i was once told that i'm rude,blunt and way to out spoken..
well why not i don't hold to much back what ever i feel or am thinking i'll let you know..
but,there are times i wish i could hold my mouth..
i can see i either scare,offend,or just push u away...

BUMPS IN THE ROAD..

My goodness,can anything get any worse ..
but yet again i'm trying to stay positive..
thats the only way i can take this..
if i play the why me card i'll never get anywhere..in life..
so here i'm positive , positive, positive...
and maybe all the good i put out will come back to me:)

on a better note with all this stress i will go for my run's again..i haven't ran in two weeks..i need it bad..

CAN THIS BE TRUE...?

are you what you make your self out to be?
a soulless asshole..
or just a dumb ass ?
what or how many times do i have to tell you..
i'm done telling..
i'm more of a do..kinda girl ..
i can't sit here and wait for all of you to catch up..
just keep up with my self ...is what i'm planing on doing...
i'm setting goals in my life and planing on going through with them..

WAITING...

WAITING...
its hard..to wait for something or someone..
i wish i had patience..
why is it when you want something so bad..it takes even longer ..
i can't stand this waiting game but i know its all just a test ..
a test to see how waiting is better then rushing into things ..
something i'm so used to doing..
and yes it didn't always work out like i thought it would...
so here i sit with my thought..on this seat ..swinging my legs ..playing with my hands..tossing my hair..
....WAITING...WAITING...AND WAITING...

JUST WONDERING.....

DOES ANYONE READ THIS...?
SO I KEEP MY RANDOM THOUGHTS? ........IF YOU ARE READING THIS LEAVE A COMMENT..U DNT HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING..JUS PUT HI..
CAUSE I PUT ALOT INTO THIS AND I DNT WANNA FEEL LIKE I'M WASTING MY TIME..
DON'T GET ME WRONG I LOVE TO WRITE..IT MY PASSION,MY LIFE,MY ONLY WAY TO EXPRESS MY DARK DERANGE..SOUL..
YOU WOULD BELIEVE WHAT KINDA SHIT RUNS THROUGH THIS MIND OF MINE..
REALLY WISH I COULD CONTINUE WRITING MY NOVEL..<3
WELL IAM OFF TO DREAM MY DEEP AND DARKEST DREAMS..
WISH MY LUCK ..I ONLY GOT ONE KNIFE IN MY HAND TO PROTECT MY SELF...
(LOL SEE THERE I GO AGAIN..)

SLEEP FOR THE BOTH OF US...

i wish i can sleep,my eyes are heavy, body pleas its case..
but it's my mind that will not shut down..
i have good and bad running a muck inside this soul..
seen that Ive made a mark..at work..for the past two days have been nice ..
ya its only a 2 of us to cover the whole hard lines..
but they been putting me in the most jaked up sections..
domestics which i actually love doing ..
they all know i get anal with my zone ,it has to be perfect..
and then today i had my favorite part of the store..HBA(health,beauty)..
well i loved doing it at my old store..i like doing it here cause its a tad smaller..
but there wasn't enough time to finish it cause it was time to go home..
i was so excited about leaving at 9:45pm that i forgot to talk to the LOD..he said that he wanted to talk to me about my hours been open...YES YES YES...anything..i'll do anything..lol
but its nice to know that the LOD that told me i did a good job ...most people don't like..
well i actually get along with him very well..which is awesome...well i guess the sandman is riding my ass hard...so its time to sleep and have bloody dreams and killer thoughts....<3

gaaaa...should i ...?

hummmm...
been thinking alot...
i feel a little mislead..
should i really continue ...

or just walk away...
my friends tell me all the time...


but i really don't care...or at least i don't think i do... or try not to ..yes i guess it does in the end...still on the edge of my mind....

WILLING, HOPING, TRYING ...

WILLING: to do what ever it takes to make things happen they way i want then too.
HOPING: that what am doing is gonna help me in the end.
TRYING: to change some of my bad habits..to make it better life for me..and my son.

HE...

The past 5 years just passed so quickly.My son will be turning 5 in one month. oh the shit that ive gone through.but i would do it all again in a heart beat if it meant having my son with me right now.Hes the most wonderful little boy that you can ever meet..
He brings me so much joy.
He keeps me in line.
He on my toes.
He knows when am down.
He knows how to cheer me up<3
He will never know hes the one that keeps me alive..


well i hope that he will be the man i wish him to be..but only time will tell..

still trying..

really hoping it works out for my grandparents .they've done so much for everyone else it's time to give back.
i was just to taking back..
my cousin said it may happen..
never thought it would happen..
oh am gonna miss that house so much..
well am pretty beat will write again tomorrow..<3

well?

what can i say..why am i letting this get to me?
am trying to let this go..

as many as answers i have given..
i have so many questions to ask..

i want my novel back !
i want to finish my story...
i think that will help me answer my own questions.

as i hope it will ease my wondering mind, close some issues,and repair this broken heart..

as this year is flying by so fast ,am trying my best to run faster then time to enjoy the moments in my life that make it worth waking up to everyday ..<3

by the way this one is just me being mario 2009...

DO YOU KNOW...I SEE PAST YOUR FACADE

THAT AM JUST AS LOST AS YOU ARE..
BUT I PLAY THE PART BETTER OR AT LEAST I THINK TO BELIEVE...

WHY IS IT THAT WE ALL PLAY APART? LIKE LIFE IS A FUCKING PLAY?
BUT WHO'S WATCHING?
WHY CANT WE ALL JUST SAY AND DO WHAT WE FEEL..
IF YOU FEEL LIKE LOVING SOMEONE LOVE THEM..
IF YOU FEEL LIKE HATING SOMEONE LOVE THEM ..LOL TRICKED YA..
BUT NO REALLY SHOWING SOMEONE YOU CARE FOR THEM, SEEING THAT NO MATTER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY OR DO!
YOU STILL HAVE LOVE FOR ONE OTHER..<3 WHICH IS BEAUTIFUL..
AS EVERYONE AROUND ME SEEMS TO BE COUPLED UP..MAKES ME FEEL LONESOME ..
IVE BEEN TOLD AM A AWESOME CATCH..
BUT WHY HASN'T ANYONE GOTTEN ME?


AS I SPEAK"WRITE" SO OPENLY AM WAITING ..TO FIND LIGHT AT THE END OF THAT ROMANCE TUNNEL..
WHERE EVERYTHING IS TRUTHFUL,EASY TO TALK TO WITH NO JUDGEMENT,SHOWING EACH OTHER POSITIVE FEED BACK TO REACH EACH PERSONS PERSONAL GOALS IN LIFE..AND WHEN U HAVE A BAD DAY HE/SHE WILL TRY THERE HARDEST...TO BRING LAUGHTER...TO YOUR..SOUL..CAUSE WE ALL KNOW LAUGHTER=LOVE..

BUT THEN YET AGAIN..I LIVE IN A UTOPIA INSIDE MY MIND..
ITS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE,IF YOU EVER WISH TO VISIT..

what makes you think..so negative..?

Do people realize that what they put out into the world is what they receive back from the world.You cant say why does bad things happen to me? Well what have you put out in your past that came back to you?..,and iam not talking about what happen last week to last month or even last year.. karma comes when you least think about it.when your the happiest.when you dnt even think twice about what i have done in your past. But iam not just talking about negative karma.I love good karma as well its a beautiful moment when you get good karma back.I just wish people would put out more good karma.Its a wonderful gift to give goodness out into the world, who knows who you my come in contact with or even change someones life with the littlest jester..of kindness can make a whole a world of difference.I just believe if we put out more positivity into this world that we would be a more peaceful place..



yet again that just me hoping for a utopia ...that will never become in a world that so unintelligent...and with unintelligents comes war,kaos, disease...
nothing worth living for ..

open your eyes..

I wish some times people that know wouldnt have to get hurt ,only if they would open there eyes ..they could see something better is in front of them..its like there asking to be hurt..but then again,ive been there so many times even when people told be to open them i still refused to see the truth.I guess where all suppose to go through stuff in our lives to learn not to repeat the same mistake.But on the other hand some just keep repeating the problem and ask why does this keep happing ?..duh did you not learn from the first time? life shows you so much,why cant you take from it and learn from it,instead of crying why me?

well ive been ask to write ..so here iam..

well i have so much to say ..but i will do it little by little don't want t over whelm ..people..

so be ready to see what my crazy mind thinks about from time to time...

it can go from how i feel about my life ,life in general,morals of this world...and so on ..

soon to be more...

psycho killer<3>