Even tho the years have passed, the pain will always stay, the hurt in my eyes the tears of sorrow drip down my face. The feeling of losing a game I could never win.
So now I shall try to move on.
I fear you no more, all thats left is hate...
Hate that I allowed such thing to pass these eyes...
Well no more shall I be your slave..to saddness...only madness!

ive tried so hard to think twice before i pull this blade to your neck. which way should i graise me blade ...right to left or left to right... oh baby the possiablies of have your warm blood all over my face. The taste remains the same ..sweet and bitter..just like the way you lived your life. I trust you will never change. so actually i'm doing you a favor.. really doesnt seem like no one will miss your stupid face or stupid ways. oh well... here i go... oh god the beauty of it all... PsYcHo KiLLeR

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what, what, whats.... Going on what have i done .... i wish i didnt have to do this to you so soon... you seemed like a gas...But now your just a past... will you forgive me if i stab you in the heart... For every time you treated me like shit,for thinking i was less then nothing. dnt cry now you know that means nothing...to me... i pitty your stupidness... i'm much more then you'll ever see.. some day some way someone will treat me better and see me for who i really i'm.... A DARK BEAUTIFUL SOUL...

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you say the things that sound so sweet, the way you can fuck me is so bittier sweet. i wish it could play on repeat. Until the day when it all ends. we've gone to far,it was pushed into deep. Theres no going back.we've done what we've done. The blood starts to flow faster. He starts to scream...and finally yells,"what the fuck you crazy bitch!",i grab the knife from his side,"I thought you wanted to play?",with a confused look upon my face. He starts to shout again,"you fucking stabed me!",i craweled off of him onto my feet,with my back still toward him. With a simple reply," you said i could do what ever i want...", i pause with a jerk like voice," YOU SAID YOUR NOT A BITCH,BUT YOUR SURELY ACTING LIKE ONE!",.....TBC... PsYcHo KiLLeR

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oh that old feeling is coming back again,that one that hunts me the most.... the joy,satifation,exstacy..... of killing .... to see one suffer and cry out in pain.... to know that there only way out of my hands is through death... to cut you from ear to ear.... to feel your warm blood drip down my hands ..... why does this bring me such JOY..... this i could never explain... PsYcHo KiLLeR

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has the darkness over come me have i've gone to far this time? where shall my madness lead me... these hands are becoming something that i cant recall ,are they mine? this face i seen in the refliction,doesnt seem like my own... those eyes so cold with no soul behind them... i'm i willing to change these killing ways.... PsYcHo KiLLeR

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as i run throught the streets...my mind..searchs for a new victim.. do i just pick a random person? do i pick from whom i know? then comes the thoughts of how ,where ,and how long... how shall i kill my victim? so many ways .... where shall i end there life? i could bring them home,but thats a hell of a mess, back to theres...they'll never know whats coming next... how long shall i make them suffer? if they play along ,this can go on for days! That would be great... now that my mind has figured out what its wants and needs.. just wait and see ....what happens next ..... PsYcHo KiLLeR

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....your time has come to a bitter painful , yet exciting end... drag you slightly alive body back to my bed...you wimper in tears to let you live... i giggle ... why should i... what is your life purpuse... ......i see you dnt even know... tie you down for one last time...i hope you enjoy this ride... ....cause this face is the last you will ever see... for i'm judge ,jury,EXECUTIONER! PsYcHo KiLLeR

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i've been watching you for weeks, dosnt seem like anyone will miss you, i have to much in store for you.Its just a little pain,you can take it...or atleast will try. Oh i love that shocked face you gave me,when i pulled u away. dnt shake your head no.... really its just alil pain... may i film this ... you look so pretty when u cry.. with every jab,cut,slice.... it gives me chills of satisfaction... oh stop your screamin,i hate to have to sew your mouth shut... yes ,yes fight ,struggle... i love a good game of cat and mouse. so many things come to mind,but i must lock you back up i will torture you some more later,you seem fun to play with....;) PsYcHo KiLLeR

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lovely rain come my way , wash away whats on my blade, its neither here or there to explain whats has gone arry, but lets just say another lover slain...oh the beauty of ones body as they lay there lifeless...one can marvel for hours,at such a creation. PsYcHo KiLLeR

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The ruckus thats running a muck inside ones mind...

I can wish all i want , i can hope for better days , but these thoughts will never change my ways. I've realized its only me that make me happy...and to tell you the truth...i dnt see that in my near furture...i'm i destained to be alone for the rest of my life...when i try to trust i just cant seem to believe what they say...i wanna call them out..and scream at the top of my lungs...i did this so u can move on,ps i'm hurt that you cant see passed her, to see me...but i guess i mean nothing too..i need to realize that and get over my thinking i like u but i think that not being able to have you is what gets to me...and i bet if i did have you i wouldnt want you..and that would bore..me...

Dealing with what i can and still feeling that theres nothing right...

So is this how feelings work? I'm happy one minute and sad the next. I'm not pleased with this ! Why cant life be easy? Why do we play these childish games. I hate it, i dnt need it.... I want what i want now...sorry if my stright forwordness can be scary or,piss you off , or i dnt really care aslong as u speak the truth we can live a happy life! Is just so simple that this world takes forgranted!

Its what u want to see..but the truth is what u need to see...

I tried to show you how to be happy..i tried to inpower you.. But u still wont listen... Its so hard not to give u up..i want to so bad.. Do u not see ur nothing but a butt of a sad joke...people make fun of you cause ur fake ...but i dnt care..they say u only use me when u need something ...but i dnt care...they say i let u step all over me...but i dnt care...i tried to show u what u wanted was right in front of you..but u just cant seem to open your eyes...by the time you realize what u had it will be to late... But i hope u knw u cant love someone unless u really know who they are all around not just what u want to see...cause ur not in love with them just the idea of them...notice the difference ...hope you realize if u loved them u would have had the balls to say it years ago...so its not love the thought of who they we're is what u loved! Thats all i have to say...

Dream with in a dream

Your face hunts me...your soul crushs me,the thought of you kills me, the taste of you lingers off the tip of my lips... But still i have the deepest urge to kill you slowly.. Watch you suffer, cry for me to stop.. All i can do is giggle and smile down to you..and say "i cant stop now i've already began your end.." as you pled for forgiveness... " sorry for what ever i've done please dnt do this" even tho you knw you have done nothing wrong..i reply with a serious look upon my face.."you silly fool this has nothing to do with you..." as i let you lay there upon my bed..Your blood an utter mess..I walk away looking down at my hands .I wisper to my self..."i should really start wearing gloves,its starting to stain my hands"...You ask what i had said..Yet again with grin "if your still alive when i get back,i'll just fuck you to death"..I laugh and walk out the door.As i walk down the hall i can hear your cries for help.NO ONE CAN HELP YOU HERE. FOR YOU ARE HELPLESS IN YOUR OWN DREAMS..

Rants of a thrill to kill

Willing to take you all the way,away from this place we call LIFE...ive made this place just for you and me...to me it's
HEVEAN and to you it could be HELL... Just close your worry eyes ,let my blade take it course..as i feel your warm blood drip,drip,drip down my hands..i will hold you until you take your last breath, as you just realized i gave you the kiss of death..i throw ur lifeless body into the grave i dug up for you.We will always stay close for your dead body lay's under my window seal. So there you have it your HELL is that your dead and gone. My HEAVEN knowing that you will never leave me...for another....for we are together FOREVER

Wishing for the younger days..

I wish i had the net miss bloggin .
when will this strom end, just when i think everything gonna work out fine another fucking problem comes to light...
i just wanna feel safe again...
like theres nothing that can hurt me.
only if i could pull the hands of time to take me back to much simpler days...
worry free of :money,kids,love
just fucking around town not giving a mad fuck..
oh those were the days..:(

PsYcHo KiLLeR

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Feeling like a normie again..gotta get used to being with the people in this world during normal hours of the day...but i dnt feel as drained...feels fucking good actully,but still tryin to make Excusess to do it! And i ask my self why am i doin that to my self i know i can do it ! My goals are set in motion..and nothing can stop me now! Still trying to work on my comic book , find a better job, and just keep my son safe and happy with no worries! PsYcHo KiLLeR

IT SURPRISE'S ME HOW FOOLISH PEOPLE CAN BE...

TIME AND TIME AGAIN..WE SHOULD ALL KNOW BETTER..
YET WHY DO WE STILL GO DOWN THE SAME ROAD OVER AND OVER AGAIN..
THE GROOVE IN THE ROAD..JUST SEEM'S TO BE GOING IN CIRCLE'S...
EVERY TIME I TRY TO MAKE A LEFT TURN..I GET STUCK IN THE GROOVE OF THE ROAD..

THE ONLY WAY TO GET OUT OF THE GROOVE IS TO MAKE A HARD LEFT TURN ..
TO GET OUT OF THIS AWFUL CYCLE..

WE ALL TRY AND STRIVE TO MAKE A BETTER CHOSE IN LIFE'S PATH..BUT
WHY ? DO WE CHOOSE TO TAKE THE MOST DANGEROUS OF ROADS OF LIFE'S ..

WHEN WE ALL KNOW THE MOST LIKELY OUTCOME ..
EVEN KNOWING THAT IT WILL END BAD ..
WE JUST HAVE TO TRY THAT LITTLE FORBIDDEN ZONE..(LOL)

I WISH PEOPLE WOULD REALLY SAY HOW AND WHAT THEY ARE FEELING ,GOOD THE BAD AND UGLY..
WHY NOT?
LYING.. DOESN'T HELP ANYONE EVEN THE PERSON THAT SPEAKS THE LIE'S..


WHY IS IT SO HARD TO SPEAK THE TRUTH WHEN THE LIE'S CAN HURT SO MANY PEOPLE AROUND THEM..

I REALLY CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHEN PEOPLE SAY THEY LIE SO THEY WON'T ANYONES FEELINGS..

BUT WHEN THE PERSON ON THE OTHER END FINDS OUT ,YOU LOOK LIKE THE BAD PERSON


I'M SORRY TO SAY YA ...
IT IS YOUR FAULT..


I FEEL NO SYMPATHY...
FOR WHAT YOU FEEL LIKE.. THE WORLD HAS GIVING YOU...WHAT YOU DISSEVER...


NO REALLY DOES THE TRUTH REALLY HURT ?
I DON'T THINK SO..
MANY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WOULDN'T FEEL SO LOST AND UNWANTED ..USED..

THE TRUTH LEADS TO PEACE AND HAPPINESS..
LIE'S LEAD TO WAR, HATE ,VIOLENCE , DEATH...AND THEN WE END UP IN THE SAME PLACE AGAIN...LOST,UNWANTED,USED..


THINK ABOUT IT...

SOME OF MY CRAZY RANTS...

END IT NOW OR FOREVER DIE BY MY HANDS ,ROLLING IN AND OUTTA MY BED, IS JUST A SIMPLE PLAN,OF PLEASURE AND PAIN..AND WHERE THE PAIN IS WHEN I FEEL THE MOST ALIVE..

Why cnt i end this... Its only causes me pain...to the point of madness! I will end up killing you in the end!


IS KILLING YOU SUCH A CRIME? BUT WHAT IF I KILLED YOU IN THE HEAT OF PASSION..? THEN I DID IT OUT OF LOVE..♥ THERES NO CRIME..IN LOVING SOMEONE RIGHT!....

Cutting you into pieces and placeing you under my bed...these are what dreams are made of ♥


I WANNA CHOKE YOU TILL YOU TURN BLUE, AS YOUR EYES ROLL BACK YOU STRUGGLE FOR A BREATH OF LIFE,I LOOK DOWN UPON YOU...WITH A GLEAM IN MY EYE OF SATISFACTION...♥

MY HATE HAS TURNED INTO MADNESS...MADNESS INTO INSANITY...INSANITY..INTO HANDCUFFS...HANDCUFFS...LOOKING OUT A JAIL CELL...♥


YOUR PAIN GIVES ME A SMILE, ME GIVING YOU PAIN BRINGS GIGGLES ,YOUR DEATH WILL FILL MY HEART WITH JOY♥


Willing to end it all...just give the word ... i'll cut your heart out... and hand it back to you..♥

CAN'T SHAKE THIS...

Really starting to hate this ..all these feelings..are getting to me..
why,how,what,who,where...did i go wrong!
these mixed feelings are tearing me apart..
i can't stop being so brutal..
my rants has turned into madness...
so if you happen to read a crazy death rant ,sorry it just comes out ..
i love and hate it..
love it..cause just sometimes i feel like doing so..
hate it..cause some people don't know if they should laugh or be scared..

WHAT IT IS...

what makes me mad is that u don't think i see what you say...what makes me sad is i see what you say...what makes me a fool is that i keep letting you play..me like a fool...i'm never what you want iam never gonna be what you think you want...what makes this even worst is that...YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT THIS IS ABOUT YOU..AND THAT SHE DOESNT WANT YOU...:^\

LIVING LIKE THIS...

If living this life,like i don't care...well kill me now....cause living with this pain of not knowing is way to much to bear..so pull the rope,shoot the gun,chop away, aslong as it leads to the end.....

FUCKING.... TARED..

WHY WHY WHY ..

CAN'T YOU SEE ME...

I CAN SEE..YOU ...FOR WHAT U ARE..

I'M A PURE SOUL...WITH SO MUCH TO SAY ..WITH A HEART FULL OF SOUL OF WRONG AND RIGHTS!

BUT I WANNA BE WRONG AND RIGHT...

WRONG AT WHAT I THINK IS HAPPENING ,HOPING WHAT I FEEL IS RIGHT...

HEY YOU YA YOU OVER THERE------>

LOL...
so just taking life day by day watching the bumpy road turn into a smooth one once again..
as breath i take i hold every other one in...hoping that a wish would come true..
as in every fairy tail..there's an evil villain ...
well in my story ...my villain is my self ..
i hold my self back,
i choose the wrong..path..
but, the sad thing is i know what i'm doing..
i know better but for some damn reason i love to push the limits..
i love to see how far i can push ..
i was once told that i'm rude,blunt and way to out spoken..
well why not i don't hold to much back what ever i feel or am thinking i'll let you know..
but,there are times i wish i could hold my mouth..
i can see i either scare,offend,or just push u away...

BUMPS IN THE ROAD..

My goodness,can anything get any worse ..
but yet again i'm trying to stay positive..
thats the only way i can take this..
if i play the why me card i'll never get anywhere..in life..
so here i'm positive , positive, positive...
and maybe all the good i put out will come back to me:)

on a better note with all this stress i will go for my run's again..i haven't ran in two weeks..i need it bad..

CAN THIS BE TRUE...?

are you what you make your self out to be?
a soulless asshole..
or just a dumb ass ?
what or how many times do i have to tell you..
i'm done telling..
i'm more of a do..kinda girl ..
i can't sit here and wait for all of you to catch up..
just keep up with my self ...is what i'm planing on doing...
i'm setting goals in my life and planing on going through with them..

WAITING...

WAITING...
its hard..to wait for something or someone..
i wish i had patience..
why is it when you want something so bad..it takes even longer ..
i can't stand this waiting game but i know its all just a test ..
a test to see how waiting is better then rushing into things ..
something i'm so used to doing..
and yes it didn't always work out like i thought it would...
so here i sit with my thought..on this seat ..swinging my legs ..playing with my hands..tossing my hair..
....WAITING...WAITING...AND WAITING...

JUST WONDERING.....

DOES ANYONE READ THIS...?
SO I KEEP MY RANDOM THOUGHTS? ........IF YOU ARE READING THIS LEAVE A COMMENT..U DNT HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING..JUS PUT HI..
CAUSE I PUT ALOT INTO THIS AND I DNT WANNA FEEL LIKE I'M WASTING MY TIME..
DON'T GET ME WRONG I LOVE TO WRITE..IT MY PASSION,MY LIFE,MY ONLY WAY TO EXPRESS MY DARK DERANGE..SOUL..
YOU WOULD BELIEVE WHAT KINDA SHIT RUNS THROUGH THIS MIND OF MINE..
REALLY WISH I COULD CONTINUE WRITING MY NOVEL..<3
WELL IAM OFF TO DREAM MY DEEP AND DARKEST DREAMS..
WISH MY LUCK ..I ONLY GOT ONE KNIFE IN MY HAND TO PROTECT MY SELF...
(LOL SEE THERE I GO AGAIN..)

SLEEP FOR THE BOTH OF US...

i wish i can sleep,my eyes are heavy, body pleas its case..
but it's my mind that will not shut down..
i have good and bad running a muck inside this soul..
seen that Ive made a mark..at work..for the past two days have been nice ..
ya its only a 2 of us to cover the whole hard lines..
but they been putting me in the most jaked up sections..
domestics which i actually love doing ..
they all know i get anal with my zone ,it has to be perfect..
and then today i had my favorite part of the store..HBA(health,beauty)..
well i loved doing it at my old store..i like doing it here cause its a tad smaller..
but there wasn't enough time to finish it cause it was time to go home..
i was so excited about leaving at 9:45pm that i forgot to talk to the LOD..he said that he wanted to talk to me about my hours been open...YES YES YES...anything..i'll do anything..lol
but its nice to know that the LOD that told me i did a good job ...most people don't like..
well i actually get along with him very well..which is awesome...well i guess the sandman is riding my ass hard...so its time to sleep and have bloody dreams and killer thoughts....<3

gaaaa...should i ...?

hummmm...
been thinking alot...
i feel a little mislead..
should i really continue ...

or just walk away...
my friends tell me all the time...


but i really don't care...or at least i don't think i do... or try not to ..yes i guess it does in the end...still on the edge of my mind....

WILLING, HOPING, TRYING ...

WILLING: to do what ever it takes to make things happen they way i want then too.
HOPING: that what am doing is gonna help me in the end.
TRYING: to change some of my bad habits..to make it better life for me..and my son.

HE...

The past 5 years just passed so quickly.My son will be turning 5 in one month. oh the shit that ive gone through.but i would do it all again in a heart beat if it meant having my son with me right now.Hes the most wonderful little boy that you can ever meet..
He brings me so much joy.
He keeps me in line.
He on my toes.
He knows when am down.
He knows how to cheer me up<3
He will never know hes the one that keeps me alive..


well i hope that he will be the man i wish him to be..but only time will tell..

still trying..

really hoping it works out for my grandparents .they've done so much for everyone else it's time to give back.
i was just to taking back..
my cousin said it may happen..
never thought it would happen..
oh am gonna miss that house so much..
well am pretty beat will write again tomorrow..<3

well?

what can i say..why am i letting this get to me?
am trying to let this go..

as many as answers i have given..
i have so many questions to ask..

i want my novel back !
i want to finish my story...
i think that will help me answer my own questions.

as i hope it will ease my wondering mind, close some issues,and repair this broken heart..

as this year is flying by so fast ,am trying my best to run faster then time to enjoy the moments in my life that make it worth waking up to everyday ..<3

by the way this one is just me being mario 2009...

DO YOU KNOW...I SEE PAST YOUR FACADE

THAT AM JUST AS LOST AS YOU ARE..
BUT I PLAY THE PART BETTER OR AT LEAST I THINK TO BELIEVE...

WHY IS IT THAT WE ALL PLAY APART? LIKE LIFE IS A FUCKING PLAY?
BUT WHO'S WATCHING?
WHY CANT WE ALL JUST SAY AND DO WHAT WE FEEL..
IF YOU FEEL LIKE LOVING SOMEONE LOVE THEM..
IF YOU FEEL LIKE HATING SOMEONE LOVE THEM ..LOL TRICKED YA..
BUT NO REALLY SHOWING SOMEONE YOU CARE FOR THEM, SEEING THAT NO MATTER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE SAY OR DO!
YOU STILL HAVE LOVE FOR ONE OTHER..<3 WHICH IS BEAUTIFUL..
AS EVERYONE AROUND ME SEEMS TO BE COUPLED UP..MAKES ME FEEL LONESOME ..
IVE BEEN TOLD AM A AWESOME CATCH..
BUT WHY HASN'T ANYONE GOTTEN ME?


AS I SPEAK"WRITE" SO OPENLY AM WAITING ..TO FIND LIGHT AT THE END OF THAT ROMANCE TUNNEL..
WHERE EVERYTHING IS TRUTHFUL,EASY TO TALK TO WITH NO JUDGEMENT,SHOWING EACH OTHER POSITIVE FEED BACK TO REACH EACH PERSONS PERSONAL GOALS IN LIFE..AND WHEN U HAVE A BAD DAY HE/SHE WILL TRY THERE HARDEST...TO BRING LAUGHTER...TO YOUR..SOUL..CAUSE WE ALL KNOW LAUGHTER=LOVE..

BUT THEN YET AGAIN..I LIVE IN A UTOPIA INSIDE MY MIND..
ITS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE,IF YOU EVER WISH TO VISIT..

what makes you think..so negative..?

Do people realize that what they put out into the world is what they receive back from the world.You cant say why does bad things happen to me? Well what have you put out in your past that came back to you?..,and iam not talking about what happen last week to last month or even last year.. karma comes when you least think about it.when your the happiest.when you dnt even think twice about what i have done in your past. But iam not just talking about negative karma.I love good karma as well its a beautiful moment when you get good karma back.I just wish people would put out more good karma.Its a wonderful gift to give goodness out into the world, who knows who you my come in contact with or even change someones life with the littlest jester..of kindness can make a whole a world of difference.I just believe if we put out more positivity into this world that we would be a more peaceful place..



yet again that just me hoping for a utopia ...that will never become in a world that so unintelligent...and with unintelligents comes war,kaos, disease...
nothing worth living for ..

open your eyes..

I wish some times people that know wouldnt have to get hurt ,only if they would open there eyes ..they could see something better is in front of them..its like there asking to be hurt..but then again,ive been there so many times even when people told be to open them i still refused to see the truth.I guess where all suppose to go through stuff in our lives to learn not to repeat the same mistake.But on the other hand some just keep repeating the problem and ask why does this keep happing ?..duh did you not learn from the first time? life shows you so much,why cant you take from it and learn from it,instead of crying why me?

well ive been ask to write ..so here iam..

well i have so much to say ..but i will do it little by little don't want t over whelm ..people..

so be ready to see what my crazy mind thinks about from time to time...

it can go from how i feel about my life ,life in general,morals of this world...and so on ..

soon to be more...

psycho killer<3>